idealisms

whenever i write stories, they tend to revolve around relationships of sorts. notions on spirituality come into it, and plays on conventional assumptions, things and concepts i wrestle with within myself, but almost always in settings of relationships between two people. romantic relationships at that. i'm a sucker for romance - always have been... 

yet, i'm not in a relationship {unless you count the parental ones with my kids, or the working ones with my colleagues, or the few friends i have} and i can't see myself being in one any time soon either. i had three stabs at Romantic Relationships, one very short, the second mostly long-distance but quite intense, and the third lasting for almost twenty years. i dream about Something Special with certain people, fearing that what i search for is unattainable, knowing weirder things have happened, holding out for the Universe to deliver - who knows...

as i was growing up, it dawned on me that Finding Someone To Spend Your Life With was considered one of the more important things in life, more important even than Finding A Job That You Loved, or Living In A Nice Environment. it was the eighties in Holland, and  not many people i knew Traveled {like all my kids seem to find normal now} or Lived On Their Own, or aspired to find a Spiritual side to their nature. i lived in a village, had parents who were content with Normal Lives, and wanted that for their kids as well. {saying that: my dad didn't, not always... he wanted to see more of Europe, to not be a dad, do things that weren't expected of him, but back when he was young, this was only possible for the higher classes, not the well-to-do working class family he came from...} my friends all seemed to want to Settle Down... any notions i had of wanting to see more of the world, fancying both men and women, not wishing to be a mum any time soon, living on my own, were met with worry, and overruled by the fear my mum had of me being Left On The Self... genuine concerns she had, unable to see me carving out a life for myself, on my terms, settled into my subconcience, and it had taken me many years to have them disappear... 

true, hormones and a need within myself to be loved & wanted did most of the work, so i found The Relationship, had The Kids {genuinely the best thing that has happened to me}, Settled Down and was Happy. for a while. 

i thought i had the ideal relationship. for a while i was convinced that the man i shared my life with understood me, and i got him, the way nobody else seemed to get us. we had quirks that the other thought was interesting, or just fine, we seemed each other's soul mates. ultimately we wanted different things from life, and the quirks we once liked in each other were used as a stick to beat each other with... maybe that's how it works in life - in order to make sense of something that you thought you understood for many years, you have to destruct it and look at it from a cold distance. or it's a way to stop it having a hold of your heart any longer. whatever the reason, we are no longer soulmates, and are now barely friends - for the kids mainly... 

the Ideal Relationship probably doesn't exist, or maybe just for chunks of ones life, whatever the other or we ourselves need 'help' with, and when the Lesson is learnt, we let that person go, or they let us go, and life puts other people on our paths. the characters in my stories have that happen, and they accept the possibility of Working With What Is. there is no Ideal. there is just Now... 

hunting for chateaus

in the past year, tv has fast become a no-go area for me {apart from the few programs that are still bearable, despite the daft rules}, but i still like to watch stuff that doesn't require much in the way of mental exertion, so what better than to ogle some of the many, many Doing Up Our House channels on youtube... there's tonnes to chose from, and here's a few of my personal favourites:

* How To Renovate A Chateau {Without Killing Your Partner} [<-- click on link] - a cute, young-ish duo consisting of a slightly pushy British woman {fashion & textile designer/mum/project manager} and her French filmmaker hubby/dad/DIY dude. together they bought a run-down chateau in Normandy, France, where they live with their two small daughters, and take us along their journey as they improve and repair, struggle and tackle, all in a gentle, silly and very stylish way. i'm falling madly for the lovely husband, Philip, who's revealing a daft, dry and joyful sense of humour, and has me in giggles often, as he takes the mickey out of his wife Anna's English-ness, and is winning me over with his cute French accent {yes, me, who never liked that very much at all.... what is happening?!!}, and even his French speaking, which he does with his carpenter buddy Benoit. apparently one can rent a room in this chateau, as it's run as a B&B. wonder how much it costs.... {their website [<-- click] = tres charmant, but i need to save up a little longer, i guess}

* The second Empire Strikes Back [<-- link] - a guy in St. Louis, US, is busy painstakingly restoring the Victorian house that once belonged to a man who owned a company that produced woodworking machinery there, but was sadly left to become quite run down. he's putting in the hours that he and his girlfriend can, and wishes to be as period-honest as he can be, with today's tools and finishings. interesting to watch, as he puzzles things together, finds rusty or chipped cabinets to be honed back down to it's former glory, strips years of paint off door frames, and finds beautiful fire surrounds or carvings... it will be so incredibly satisfying to watch it once it's done, but that might be years from now...

* Kaylah Stroup [<-- link], renovating Stroup Mansion {as she's called it}. a young woman and her husband bought an older {apparently going cheap} mansion with some land in someplace in Ohio, US, and they're doing it up in a fairly modern style, to her liking rather than restoring it to it's older self. interesting, pretty and has a healthy disregard for some of the historical features, which get painted over or ripped out if in the way. bit annoying to have to wade through the product placements, but a girl's gotta eat, i suppose... 

* Doing It Ourselves - a very cute young English chap shows us the things that his brother and sister-in-law are doing to the chateau in France {as well!??}, with Patreon funds and other avenues. tres pretty, as is the host, but i've not watched many episodes yet, as i've only just plumbed or this channel this afternoon... it is making France look very inviting, though... 

{edit: some more...}

* The Chateau Diaries - what i once thought was a bit of a snooty madam, who the guy from the vlog above was always raving on about, turned out to be a lovely, heartful, generous, funny, sweet and multi-talented madam, once i started watching her vlog. set in a beautiful single room wide castle in a beautiful area north east of Limoges, where she has a coming and going of work-aways, family and friends, and life seems so nice out there!!

* Ravenbrook Farmstead - set somewhere in Maine, US, this couple get stuck into the old farmhouse that they bought and are doing up, while they get to grips with micro-agriculture and chickens. 

* Ariel Bisset - basically a channel for her book-loving, aspiring writings, and occasional doing-up of her 1850's house in a part of Canada {forgot to remember it's location...}. she's a very bubbly character, with a catching vibe, which can sometimes get a bit annoying, but on the whole she's okay

i'll probably find another few soon, as youtube is chucking every available chateau-renovation/Victorian house-in-Ohio restoring/doing-up-our-derelict-mansion-in-Wales program under the sun my way, obviously...