100 days, 100 words {#10, 11 & 12}

the thing that drives me mad when interacting with {new} people is the expectation that they have of you, almost immediately. I don’t know if it’s an innate human thing, that we do it out of some sort of survival instinct, or a way to make life easier, or that we’ve learnt it throughout our childhoods, cos that’s what we had happen to us as kids. whatever the reason: it’s one of the hardest things to cope with where {new} friendships are concerned, it feels.

just this week, it happened to me twice. people expected me to be something I feel I’m not – never have been, never will be. and both times I was made to feel like I was the baddie. the one that had hoodwinked them, when all that really happened was that they’d built a picture of me that turned out to be wrong, and so I was to blame…

but then again: don’t I do it too? don’t I build up pictures of people, maybe not expect stuff, but certainly hope for certain scenario’s to happen…? is hope the same as disguised expectation?

according to ex I do exactly that. I built up Expectations of him, and when he couldn't measure up, he became the baddie… and maybe he was right – I probably did that, I wanted him to be what I needed, and even when he was showing me clear signs of being the polar opposite, I stuck to my Picture of what I Hope For, and became angry with him for not fitting it… but then he had his own version – he expected me to me just like him in so many ways, not needing any comfort or affirmation from anyone else around him…

maybe we all are raised to play mind games…