this past year i've finally started reading the Harry Potter books. after having stopped somewhere in book 3 many years ago, finding it all a bit too much aimed at youngsters {in it's simplicity, the boo-hiss-baddies and the easy to spot goodies}, i decided that i ought to at least give them one more go. and i'm glad i have. this afternoon i finished The Goblet of Fire, book 4, which was about the size of the first three combined. but i couldn't put it down, at some parts. it gets quite dark, this book, and there were chunks that had me feeling quite uncomfortable. no idea how 13 y/o kids deal with the fact that Cedric dies, or that Wormtail sacrifices part of his body so that Lord Thingy-ma-jigs can come back to life... but the thing that had me almost hold my breath was when Harry has to duel with his lordship - a 14 y/o lad, who has just been hoodwinked to another part of the country & saw a fellow student die in front of his eyes + witnessed the rebirth of his lifelong nemesis, holding his wand for dear life, concentrating with all his might, not wavering in his determination to do so, and a pretty amazing thing happens when he does - he gets 'help' from beyond the grave.
i know this is a made up story, meant as entertainment, and i know this comes from the fantasy and research of the author, but it also comes very close to the things i've been learning about in the past 20 years. about the way the Universe works, how the world we have been made to believe to be Real, and the Only Truth, is way more complex and intricate. it's not silly mumbo-jumbo, stuff for weirdo's and hippies, but easy and brilliant, and life-changing. it also requires to let go of the World Around Us a great deal.
which is what i've very much been having to do this past year.
to stay sane, partly. it's never been something i've been good at, despite all my attempts over the years. Letting The World In, letting others set my agenda, is something that is as ingrained in my Being as Liking Pearl Jam, or Wishing To Be In England... i can do it, set my own agenda, do my own thing, but just as easily, i'll allow someone else's mood to overrule me. a look, a tone of voice, a change in someone's body language - all can drag me away from how i wanted to live my life. {why this happens, and the fact that i know that i'm prone to affect others too with this, is another matter, will delve into that at one point as well}
something i've had to learn, and am still learning, is to stay with my agenda, stay with myself. not get dragged along with what i'm being told is The Right Way To Do Stuff. i guess that's why i love being on my own - nobody telling me what to do, or discouraging me from doing things i want to do. as soon as i'm with others, my inner alert begins. especially in new situations, or when i'm surrounded by very confident {or just loud} people. i'll budge to what they want, cos it's easier. afterwards i'll hate myself for this. i should've stayed with myself... i should've said this or that... i should've... or i'll spend ages feeling crap about myself, and my inability to stop the words or actions, or even perceived meanings of others from hurting me.
using the Law of Attraction {beyond the things that The Secret talks about} consciously requires - for me - a need to exclude The Real World, to some extent. to live in a world of make belief. fantasy, like Harry Potter's world. a world that i prefer to the world around me, or at least, the world i see on the news or in the media. a world that i could cope with up until March last year. i hardly use social media anymore, and tv has become a few programs i can handle. internet has a bit more scope, but i feel myself retreating into a smaller world more and more. maybe that's necessary for now, anyway. and, as a few of my spiritual teachers tell me, faking it until you make it is not only fine, it's needed to get to where you'd rather be. a different Real World, that's more tangible, closer by.
just plucked The Order Of The Phoenix from my bookshelves. it's even longer than the previous book!! i wonder how Harry will be challenged this time around - and whether or not it sets off another train of thoughts in me...
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| Eilean Donan Castle, Scotland source: this website |
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