despite the last thing i wrote, not feeling very chatty...still feeling a little lost, cos i guess i miss my 'tribe' {the people i talked to or nodded at on a daily basis at the primary school} and i've not found anything to replace it with... the neighbourhood i live in isn't the most inviting {to me, that is... enough friendly folks around} and my friends are all busy living their lives {which is totally fine, really} and my family have never been the closest bunch to start with... 'world events' of recent have left me feeling a bit frazzled and exposed, i guess. being a sensitive soul in a harsh world can be trying, to say the least... but then, hasn't the world always been rather harsh, in different ways?
i remember watching the series on Virginia Woolf and her sister Vanessa Bell this summer, and i was struck by how familiar Woolf's plight in 1930's England was - being sensitive and delicate, with trouble on its way which might very well affect her {Jewish} husband, her pillar and mainstay, and as much as she tried to be herself and live her life, the news kept having a drip-effect on her mind, which suffered accordingly. now, i'm not saying i bare complete resemblance to Virginia Woolf, or that i'm about to top myself, but i can understand how she may have been affected, why it all hit her so deeply and that she may have become disheartened, and felt she couldn't fight it all anymore... despite having a husband by her side who loved her so deeply...
she possibly didn't have the things that i now have at my disposal: lovely kids who keep me from taking myself too seriously, but their lives quite. and a sense of humour {from what i gathered}. and internet, which gives me access to online meditations and insights, nice people to talk to, articles that shed a different light on stuff... {although if i had a suitable tribe, internet might not be at all needed... who's to say... chicken//egg...} there are plenty of things i can find that i am incredibly grateful for, and i name them on a daily basis, before i go to sleep, and i know how to ground myself, feel connected within, keep the world out {which i've discovered is most of the 'issue', being disconnected from my Inner Being, allowing The World and it's mother to drag me away}, so hopefully that should be enough to get back on track...
in the meantime, i'm going back into my Self for a but longer, connect with nature a bit more, and hope to God that this world will sort itself out soon...
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