raw

am i a horrid person for not feeling happy for my ex now that he has another woman in his life...?
am i a bit pathetic if i feel rejected and cast aside all over again...?
am i just not moving on...?
am i wallowing in self-pity and should i just try a little harder...?

some thoughts that have been bugging me, popping into my head right amongst quite happy and joyful ones {that have nothing to do with ex or his new woman...}

i know i should give myself the time it needs, and i know that it takes however long it takes... i know there is no set time one gets for getting over a relationship, no handy formula {been together for X years, had Y amount of kids, then it will take ___ time...}. i know it goes with being a human being... and really, its okay...

i'm learning to be kinder on myself. which is not easy, when for 40-odd years i've been told to Try Hard, Live Good {according to a set of rules}, Be Good {more rules}, Be Fearful & On Your Guard {for certain people and their wrath}, Ignore Your Inner Self & Feelings {if they don't fit into the Rulebook, or whatever criteria the person{s} i was with at the time held}... learning very hard to figure out who it is I am, under all the debris... slowly getting there...

but don't expect me to be happy yet...
this loss still feels raw to me...