i am mine

The ocean is full 'cause everyone's crying

The full moon is looking for friends at high tide

The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied

I only know my mind

I am mine

a recurring theme in my life seems to be Finding My Own Self... finding my own authority, the voice in my head that's mine, not all the other people's, all of the people i've allowed to overrule my own voice, my own inner Self. for many years, this has been a frustrating journey, figuring the hell out what belongs to me and what belongs to my mum or my dad, or either of my grandmothers, or relations that had more sway over what i thought than even my parents did. teachers, friends, my ex, bosses - all somehow authority figures i sought out to give me the clues i thought i needed in life to live it, as i'd never learnt to listen to my own voice. 

And the meaning, it gets left behind

All the innocence lost at one time

Significant, behind the eyes

There's no need to hide

We're safe tonight

the song from Pearl Jam always touched a nerve. well, most of them did, but this one was one that speaks to me, every time i hear it. EV always seemed to be such a self-possessed person, someone who had himself figured out, and it came out in his lyrics. i liked his stance on things - he seemed to be both intelligent and feeling, an ideal person in my eyes. as ever, what you want to see will come to the forefront, and he was as flawed and insecure as most of us, but we all need ideals to work towards, or just admire, idolize even... it's easier to put your faith in someone else than it is to find the strengths you seek in yourself. less painful. 

And the feelings that get left behind

All the innocence broken with lies

Significance, between the lines

We may need to hide

so we hide, behind the assumed wisdom of others, the authority that we don't want to have over ourselves, and leave the consequences for them. they said x so i followed... it's not my fault, they said that i should... doctors, politicians, teachers, church leaders, parents, therapists, elder family members - how many people have we given away our Selves to, in order to avoid the pain that comes with making our own decisions? to avoid the feeling of not belonging to the group you thought you should fit into? to feel ostracized, even, cos inside you feel something completely different than the majority of the people around you display...?

And the meanings that get left behind

All the innocence lost at one time

We're all different behind the eyes

There's no need to hide

this morning, i felt that the time has come to trust my own voice - i think i know what it sounds like. during a meditation i felt like i had come home. finally, i am mine...

I know I was born and I know that I'll die

The in-between is mine

I am mine