star men

when 2016 was just under way, news came of the passing of David Bowie, an artist i'd previously known a bit for the countless different tunes he'd made over the many years he was around {though not enough of them, really...}. i remember sitting in the car, having just dropped youngest at school and intending to get some shopping done, when Let's Dance had finished playing on the radio, and the presenter was chatting with someone on the phone. i thought it was about the play Lazarus that had recently premiered, and his recent birthday, which i had somehow remembered from years back {it coincided with Elvis Presley's}. but their voices didn't sound chirpy and up, they sounded glum. i decided to carry on listening, and then it dawned on me that Bowie must have passed away... shit... 

in the days and weeks following the radio item, i educated myself on his music, learnt of his many persona's, his interesting early years, before the fame he so desperately searched found him, and i became a hindsight-fan... the Bowie Is exhibition in Groningen that i visited became a weird personal, internal process, partly cos it was the first bit of traveling i'd done away from the kids since my divorce, exploring a part of the country that i'd never been to - on my own. 

2016 became a weird year. with so many more passings of names that meant something so me - Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Black {Colin Vearncombe}, Caroline Aherne, George Michael, Pete Burns {singer of Dead Or Alive}, Leonard Cohen, Elie Wiesel, Glenn Frey, Johan Cruijff, Victoria Wood, to name but a few... the list seemed endless. the year i dreaded seeing impressive photo's of well known folks, cos it could so easily have the date of birth + date of passing underneath it... by May nothing would've been surprising anymore... 

of course, for myself, none of this meant much anymore when in October it was my dad's turn. the death i dreaded the most, the person i least wanted to say goodbye to {bar my kids, obviously}, the 'event' i had feared for so long, doubting my ability to cope, became a sad reality, and the weirdest thing happened - i coped... i had never been so sad in my life, but i coped... quite quickly, my father became a happy memory, a guardian angel, a spirit i ask for guidance..

Bowie's music helped, somehow. as if the newness of discovering his songs was needed to pave a new path in my life, without a relationship, without my father. 

of all the stars that joined the firmament that year, they shine the brightest...

★ 🌟  ☆