for the last 8 days, i've been turning more and more inward. not cos i have a winterdip coming up, or because life is dragging me down, but because i have to... something is making me go very deep, and a lot of stuff is being unearthed, stuff i never thought i'd deal with, or that it was still being stored... the energies of late, and the higher vibration which the world is experiencing now, is making this happen, whether we like it or not....
a few:
* a deep fear of what was happening in the world around me, the draconic measures that governments are taking worldwide to keep people suppressed, to keep us 'under their spell', had made me very upset. especially last thursday, when it was 11/11 and i had meant to be on a higher frequency, Deliriously Happy, i was just getting all kinds of crap on my path... a colleague who was challenging everything i did, customers who were asking me what i thought about Possible New Measures, or - again - challenging me, and i was feeling quite rough already. a headache and feeling drained kept me from the state of Delirious Happiness, and i was angry - why wasn't i able to do this?? surely is wasn't that hard to be Happy??? hadn't i learnt anything from my hours of talking to Mo??? as soon as i got home, i collapsed, and took the next few days off work, cos i felt like death warmed up. thankfully i had this week off anyway, so i was able to emerge myself in Inner Work, in Getting To The Bloody Bottom Of This...
* a meditation gave me the key. an experience i had while giving birth to my eldest son seemed to be at the centre of this death fear i had for yonks. the birth itself ignited a fear so deep, so strong, that it stayed with me all this time {i'm still amazed that i had three more babies...}. i was at death's door, literally, but i was told to go back, i hadn't finished yet, i had a child to raise, and learn more.... i was re-born, in an English hospital {hence, i guess, my deep longing to be there} and i've spent 28 years growing myself... {this meditation was the night before Eldest was having his 28th birthday....}
* for the longest time i thought i had a kind of inferiority complex. my childhood was spent trying to hide from bullies, people in my village school who thought i was weird, who disliked me for no other reason than that i was different to them, since i was a toddler.... as soon as i went to school, i was confronted with my inability to fit in. i was classed 'shy', considered a bit too dreamy, and not really that interesting by my teachers... i wasn't gifted, like some in my class, i enjoyed learning but about things that i took an interest in, not necessarily the things that i was supposed to, to excel academically. so for ages i thought i was dim. not clever enough. now i know i was trying desperately to fit into a world that i wasn't ever going to fit into, and not given the tools to get to that place.
* last week, one of the confrontations i had with a colleague was when she made it clear to me that i was being superior to her, snooty and dismissive, and that it wasn't on.... who, me?? superior?? wot...?? but she was right... my new 'role' as under-supervisor {?? is that even a thing??} made me feel superior to her. i was FINALLY acknowledged as having some kind of talent, not seen as a slightly useless weirdo, and i was going to bloody well use that... and that came back to bite me in the bum, thanks to the 5D reality the world is changing into... crap flies back into your face no sooner has it happened....
* to add to it: i'm feeling slightly superior to the people that are still stuck in the 3D reality, who are still buying the bollocks that the media feeds them, and i'm loving it... ha!! you bastards that made my life hell when i was 8 - see how you like this.... not pretty, i know, but apparently i need to feel this right now, for a bit. acknowledge that i actually feel this... that i actually enjoy that the world is shifting to a place where i can actually feel at home, for once.... after 52 bloody years.....
so... ascension... take a look at the things that are still keeping you from fully being Happy - be it Delirious or otherwise...
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