moonage daydreams

one of the drawbacks of not being in a relationship - to me - is the notion that i'm not with anyone anymore... it had felt very comforting and calming to know that i was with someone, someone who liked me in their lives... for a few years i had felt i'd landed, i was Home... with Him... 

i didn't have to play the dating game... that gruesome game, of getting to know someone, of being meat-marketed, inspected and judged, by eager men, only to see the disappointment on their faces when they realise i don't fulfil their expectations of women... time and time again {some being quite aggressive in their disappointment}... i don't play the Game, and that's what most women do, cos they know that that's what most men want... it doesn't really matter, but along the way i've started to believe that i'll have to play that game, by the rules, if i want to ever find someone else again...  

it'd be great if i could let go of the notion that i'll only be happy, whole, Home, if i'm in a relationship... it'd be nice if it happens, but it's not the be all and end all... i know i'm not alone, i don't need someone else to be complete... {being with someone else brings it's own challenges, and i don't feel remotely ready to tackle that yet, thanx...} 

until then i'm quit happy with the new love of my life, in the form of David Bowie's entire back catalogue, either on Youtube or the cd collection that's steadily growing... hearing his wonderful voice, staring at the beauty he represents to me... enough to keep me out of mischief for a while!!