in search of peace

 this year has been a lot of things...

it started out quite fun, with getting to know this new city i was living in, with new friends and even dipping a toe in the carnival madness that envelopes Breda each year. it has never really been something i was impressed by, or wanted to revisit, after some traumatising memories from when i was younger {an introverted, quiet, sensitive, shy kid...} but even that seemed to have lifted, during my move to this lovely place. 

then the world went mad...

slowly but surely i have dropped most of my social media happy places. first Twitter went. not that much of a wrench, cos i only really followed a few people, who turned out to be happily jumping on the fear bandwagon, and that got tiring very quickly. then Facebook went. that was harder, cos i was friends with quite a few people who i don't see much, who live in far away countries, or who are not in my direct social circle. unfriending loads of people or unfollowing helped a bit, but as time went on, it was less and less impressed with the chaotic, overbearing, propaganda-minded and censor-happy attitude of the site {which i was aware of before but could avoid, on the whole}. so i stopped, after 11 happy years there. and this week i took Instagram off my phone {though not my laptop}. 

too many hours i will sit down and mindlessly stare at the pretty pictures. scrolling past images of things that people have made, or places they live, or been to, reinforcing What A Strange Year It Has Been And When Will We Go Back To Normal...?! i know!! i would've been boring you guys to tears with pictures of Berlin, or Barcelona, or Edinburgh, if it wasn't for the way we're being forced to live now... thanks for the reminder... my kids could've lived a happy year, going to festivals, moving abroad, traveling to places that broaden their horizon...  i could've done my job without having to wear a demeaning, pointless piece of paper as a muzzle, to appease those who chose to believe in the fear-mongering. 

my world is becoming very small, again. i don't want to know the news, i don't want to see the propaganda, i don't want the fear reinforced. so i have to make my world very small. tiny teeny. where i live, those around me, my colleagues, my kids, my friends, my penfriends, some online friends {who i indeed got to know via Instagram...} - i am here. 

my phone will just be for daily stuff, like messages, and my laptop will function as my window into the world for a while. on my terms. the winter solstice started a new year in pagan terms - maybe i should follow suit.

{edit: re-installed Instagram on my phone, but under the proviso that i stay clear from pages that drag me away from my Happy... let's see how that goes...}