of dreams and ponder

the seventh day of Xmas ~ New Year's Eve

my true love gave to me

7 Swans a-swimming

6 Geese a-laying

5 Goooold Riiiings!!

4 Calling Birds

3 French Hens

2 Turtle Doves

and a partridge in a pear treeee

..::✵•☆º✬•::..

on this last day of 2020, which had so much promise when it started {Olympics, Football World Cup, 50th anniversary of Glastonbury, Wimbledon-with-atmosphere, trips to Berlin & Barcelona} but turned out to be something entirely different, i want to dream about things to come... there's so much that has been put on hold, and although a fallow year once in a while is fine, i'm done with all the drama and the obedience - i want to travel without ridiculous rules, meet with friends without breaking the law, live without pointless boundaries - and that starts within myself. it starts with dreams, and intentions, and visualizations of a life preferred...

to you all: a happy new year!!, and hopefully there's many things you dream of too, or not. which is fine as well...

DREAMING

in 2020

traveling to some lovely places in Europe

{that camper van is starting to look

like such a good idea now...}

getting to know new friends

{i'd like to join one or two clubs or courses}

going to the seaside
{somehow this hasn't happened this year?!!}

wandering through Antwerp with my friend

{i miss the mellow atmosphere

of the city, with it's many small restaurants,

and galleries, and vistas, and the hours

Mo and i can spend there,

chatting, and laughing, and admiring...}

being able to hold a conversation in German

{once i get over my shyness..}

regular cinema visits

my balcony filled with flowers and green plants

gorgeous views

one of the many amazing sunsets i get treated to here

the sixth day of xmas

my true love gave to me
6 Geese a-laying
5 Gooold Riiiings!!
4 Calling birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a partridge in a pear tree

...•☆°✵°☆•...

LOVING
in 2020

my long walks in the Pannenhoef nature reserve

meditating to Insight Timer
and meditating to my own timer

long chats with my dear friend Mo

Breda

my balcony, and the way it became such a
wonderful place to be, this year.
we had breakfasts and dinners, coffees and croissants,
we sunbathed and lounged, and loved the views
and the sounds of the neighbours

seeing my eldest son so happy and contented,
during his 2 week visit, this summer

watching my daughter muddle through
while school became such a challenge
and finding new friendships as well

seeing the middle 2 boys find a way to live
at their dad's house, after my choice to leave their old one

rediscovering the joy of this blog...

the fifth day of Xmas

my true love gave to me

5 Gooold Riiings!!

4 Calling Birds

3 French Hens

2 Turtle Doves

and a partridge in a pear treeee

.⭒°✵°⭒.

CREATING

in 2020

booklets

{some of the things i enjoy making

are my own booklets.

either to use as a diary, or a journal

of sorts, or a combination.

a load of A4 paper

- plain white, graph paper, old leaflets -,

a thicker sheet for the cover,

some string and a big needle,

and half an hour later,

i have another booklet

to write in, or draw, or collage...}

stories & journaling & letters

{things i need to write down,

things that only make sense to me,

writing has proved a way

to keep me from going mad,

from feeling like i've lost my grip

on my life, on myself.

in stories i can create a world

where i can enjoy myself,

in journaling i can work out my mind,

in letters i can get to know new people,

or some people even better.

this year i made some new friends,

and one in particular has been

an amazing friend.}

Round Robin Art Journaling

{somehow forgot that one...

tnx Sandra for reminding me!!

last year i joined a Round Robin project,

with a group of people I've never met before,

and created 4 spread/8 pages of

whatever needed to be expressed,

per month - or 6 weeks.

fun, challenging, confronting.

receiving the booklet i sent out into the world

after a year was a wonderful thing -

to see the creative things other people have made,

with me in mind...

it touched me beyond words...}

my balcony garden

{somewhere for the cats to hang out,

and for myself and Pops,

and while the summer sun

pummeled and burnt, my plants thrived,

and my clothes dried,

and we sat and read and sunbathed

and listened to the world around us

the fourth day of xmas...

my true love gave to me

4 Calling Birds

3 French Hens

2 Turtle Doves

and a partridge in a pear treeee

.⭒°✵°⭒.

WATCHING

in 2020

Schitt's Creek

- dvd box set -

{slightly wacky tv series about the four members

of a super rich family

who lose all their money, and end up in a small town

in rural Canada, in a cheap motel

that's run by someone who couldn't give a crap...

it took me a while to really like any of the characters

- apart from the oddball motel manager -

but now that i do, they've all found a place in my heart...}

Richard Osman's House Of Games

- BBC -

{the tall bloke from Pointless has been given his own show,

and it's basically a bunch of well-known Brits

answering geeky questions, five days in a row,

and at the end someone wins it.

but its really about the odd chemistry that happens

between the 'contestants', and the silly jokes,

which makes it very enjoyable to watch}

Illuminating Joy

- via Youtube -

{one of my manifesting teachers,

a sweet, kind woman who explains it

in very simple-to-get language.

roughly has a video out every month}

Ghosts

- BBC -

{bumped into this at the beginning of the year,

and fell in love with the ghosts that inhabit

Button Hall, once a grand house that a young woman

and her husband inherit.

through some incident the woman is able to see,

and commune with, the ghosts that have been 'occupying'

the house for many years,

and have created a 'community' there.

both hilarious and touching...

made by the folks who created Horrible Histories}

Easy German

- via Youtube -

{this German learning channel has become

one of my favourite places to hang out in.

the hosts (Cari, Manuel, Janusz and Isi)

ask innocent passers by some questions,

and from the conversation that then happens,

we learn a bit about Germany,

and German people,

or Berliners, or Austrians,

and the hosts...}

Jammidodger

- youtube -

{trans guy who reacts to stuff,

talks about his journey, lives his life,

along with his gf, who has her own channel.

intelligent, sweet, open, interesting}

Maastricht, with Max and Polly, this summer

the third day of Xmas...

my true love gave to me

3 French hens

2 turtle doves

and a partridge in a pear treeeee

.⭒°✵°⭒.

it's rather stormy outside, keeping me from sleeping most of the night. pots flew off their perches on the balcony, the partition on the right rattled and flapped, and the wind whistled loudly against the roof. i foud myself reading at 2 in the morning, unable to get back to sleep. thankfully, today has no plans, so i'll probably carry on reading, and maybe go for another walk, once the rain stops...

back to recapping this year.

READING

IN 2020

Harry Potter series

{finally making myself go

beyond the third book,

which i never finished.

on The Goblet Of Fire now

almost finished that.

loving them so far!!}

Katie Fforde novels

{keep finding them in the second hand shop

that i love to frequent, so this summer was mostly

these. easy, enjoyable, making England's

countryside so very tangible...}

A Piano In The Pyrenees - Tony Hawks

{the guy who gave us Round Ireland With A Fridge

telling of his personal journey,

after buying a house in the south of France,

on a bit of a whim.

as he seems to live his life...

funny, sweet, bit predictable}

Ask And It Is Given - Esther Hicks

{in which she gives tips on how to live an abundant life

filled with endless manifestations.

Law of Attraction in action}

Deceived With Kindness - Angelica Bell

{in which the daughter of Vanessa Bell,

sister of Virginia Woolf, co-founder of the Bloomsbury Group,

talks about her childhood,

and the fact that her father wasn't

who she thought he was.

a very interesting insight into the lives

of the those who lived in Charleston Farmhouse}

not yet finished but will be:

Hitching Rides With Buddha - Will Ferguson

{a rather fun yet also instructive book

talking about the author's journey,

from the south to the north,

through Japan, the long and peculiar

country - to Westerners -

that has been his residence

for many years}

The House Of Hopes And Dreams - Trisha Ashley

{novel about a leaded glass craftsperson

who loses her home, after her partner of many years dies

and his son decides she needs to leave.

told via first person,

and snippets of letters from another female craftsperson

who lived a century ago, and somehow becomes part

of her life. interesting, can be a little bit vindictive, but

it's drawn me in...}

The Danish Girl - David Ebershoff

{on which the film was based.

started reading it but haven't got the patience

to finish this one.

on my waiting list...}

the second day of Xmas...

my true love gave to me

2 turtle doves

and a partridge in a pear treeeee

.⭒°✵°⭒.

after a gorgeous day yesterday, with a very lazy morning, long wet walk, relaxed preps and a lovely meal - vegan/veggie/traditional - with most of my lovelies, i decided to leave the washing up until this morning. it took me over an hour to get it done, but having break halfway with a relaxing cuppa and some leftover cake to finish off, it was a good job jobbed. and now it's time for the post-Xmas things. six days till the new year, 12 days until the 6th of January{symbolizing something christian} but i'm ready to start wrapping this year up. i'll use Currently's {which i want to do once a month} - 6 in all - for the year.

they'll be Hearing {music i liked this year}, Reading {books i finished and enjoyed}, Watching {stuff i liked to see on tv and the internet, and films}, Making {crafts & other bits}, Dreaming {self-explanatory} and Loving {whatever that entailed}, and i'll finish with a photo.

HEARING

in 2020

Fip Radio

{via digital radio}

The Killing Moon - Echo & the Bunnymen

The Pan Within - the Waterboys

Blinding Lights - The Weeknd

Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles

Don't Let Me Down {Gently} - Wonder Stuff

in May i went on a sunrise walk with 5 of my colleagues
and was treated to views like this one

Xmas things {6} cards

first and foremost - a happy xmas, however you're spending it {not a religious person myself, more into the pagan Yule way of celebrating. waiting with the booze until the kids are here and there's a meal on it's way... i only ever drink at xmas, by the way...}!!

{just had to pluck some mince pie dough off my keyboard... had to find the recipe online and some crumbs must have fallen put of the mixing bowl while i was kneading it...}

while listening to the Cosy Christmas Jazz playlist on Spotify, i snapped some of the cards i received this year, since cards are one of the few things i always get very excited about, this time of the year. all year long, to be honest, but at Xmas they feature very large here. and i receive some smashers... tnx for those who sent them, and all others, of course!! hope mine have arrived...

from my friend Sarah, in England

beautiful card from Moira

sweet card from Erin,
with the first line of the story we read to the kids

sweet card from Monika
a see-through one
and the sun shines through it here

a few together,
before Molly knocked them over...

Xmas things {5} music

some songs that haven't been played to death yet {as far as i'm aware...}, to help me get in the mood...

* White Xmas - George Ezra {live, with...?}

* Let Me Sleep {It's Christmas time} - Pearl Jam {from the album Lost Dogs}

* 2000 Miles - The Pretenders {live, the band with a string quartet}

* River - Joni Mitchell {with James Taylor}

* Fairytale of New York - Cameron Barnes & Blythe Duff {ft. Red Hot Chili Pipers} {slightly tired of the Pogues version - although amazing i itself - this one is so sweet & touching...}

* Step Into Christmas - Elton John {never heard this one before, lovely over the top, Elton style...}

* If We Make It Through December - Merle Haggard {not really a jolly Christmas song, but it beats Mariah Carey any day...}

* Father Christmas - the Kinks {mad Xmas songs like only he Brits seem to be able to...}

* It Feels Like Christmas - the Muppets {from the Christmas Carol, this is also a big fave...}

🌟🎄🌟

in search of peace

this year has been a lot of things...

it started out quite fun, with getting to know this new city i was living in, with new friends and even dipping a toe in the carnival madness that envelopes Breda each year. it has never really been something i was impressed by, or wanted to revisit, after some traumatising memories from when i was younger {an introverted, quiet, sensitive, shy kid...} but even that seemed to have lifted, during my move to this lovely place.

then the world went mad...

slowly but surely i have dropped most of my social media happy places. first Twitter went. not that much of a wrench, cos i only really followed a few people, who turned out to be happily jumping on the fear bandwagon, and that got tiring very quickly. then Facebook went. that was harder, cos i was friends with quite a few people who i don't see much, who live in far away countries, or who are not in my direct social circle. unfriending loads of people or unfollowing helped a bit, but as time went on, it was less and less impressed with the chaotic, overbearing, propaganda-minded and censor-happy attitude of the site {which i was aware of before but could avoid, on the whole}. so i stopped, after 11 happy years there. and this week i took Instagram off my phone {though not my laptop}.

too many hours i will sit down and mindlessly stare at the pretty pictures. scrolling past images of things that people have made, or places they live, or been to, reinforcing What A Strange Year It Has Been And When Will We Go Back To Normal...?! i know!! i would've been boring you guys to tears with pictures of Berlin, or Barcelona, or Edinburgh, if it wasn't for the way we're being forced to live now... thanks for the reminder... my kids could've lived a happy year, going to festivals, moving abroad, traveling to places that broaden their horizon... i could've done my job without having to wear a demeaning, pointless piece of paper as a muzzle, to appease those who chose to believe in the fear-mongering.

my world is becoming very small, again. i don't want to know the news, i don't want to see the propaganda, i don't want the fear reinforced. so i have to make my world very small. tiny teeny. where i live, those around me, my colleagues, my kids, my friends, my penfriends, some online friends {who i indeed got to know via Instagram...} - i am here.

my phone will just be for daily stuff, like messages, and my laptop will function as my window into the world for a while. on my terms. the winter solstice started a new year in pagan terms - maybe i should follow suit.

{edit: re-installed Instagram on my phone, but under the proviso that i stay clear from pages that drag me away from my Happy... let's see how that goes...}

Xmas things {4} midwinter

when i was growing up, midwinter only meant one thing - my mum's birthday. it meant apple pie, and coffee, and visitors. it meant almost Xmas, and a stressed out mother, who never relished her birthdays. she had tonnes of friends and they all insisted on coming over for coffee, and relations would also put in an appearance. it was fun on the one hand {it broke the calm of the house in a nice way}, but somehow it never filled me with much joy, seeing my mum so tense...

until i moved to England and got to know some of the pagan traditions that were connected with Yule, with the Winter Solstice, with Xmas that was celebrated with booze and songs and jolliness. not the austere, quiet, holy event it was in the past of NL where i grew up - catholic and reverent. jolliness was not acceptable. guess which one i preferred....

it wasn't until much later that i started seriously reading about it; about all the other feasts and celebrations that have been christianised, bent into the christian calendar to make it more palatable for the many pagans living in Europe, with the Celtic department on the British Isles largely ignoring them. which they continue to do until this day.

so, the winter solstice celebrates the returning of the light. it celebrates the passing of the shortest day, the day with the least amount of light. the birth of another year. >here< is more detailed information about it, and the traditions connected to it.

off to my mum's in a bit, for cake and coffee...

Xmas things {3} films

i love films. and i really like watching films at xmas...

not all films, and preferably not on one of the commercial stations, as advert breaks are a complete turn off, but there's a few films i'll happily watch - even on the wretched commercials - year in year out...

my list:

* While Your Were Sleeping {1995} - of course, totally predictable, but Sandra Bullock plays a fairly relatable loser with no love life who falls for a pretty boy, one she only really knows from the booth at the train station where she sells tokens to get onto the train. and then he falls onto the track, goes into a coma {... go with it...} and she rescues him... cue his family who thinks she's his fiance, and madness and mayhem ensue. set around the holidays, so totally fitting in mood, and cuteness...

* Muppet Christmas Carol {1992} - this will always leave me with a few tears, and a happy heart... been a family favourite since we discovered it, many moons ago. yet another version of the Dickens tale, but done it a very charming, sweet and uplifting way.

* Scrooged {1988} - another version again of A Christmas Carol, but done with Bill Murray as a bastard exec of a tv station that has his staff on a short leash. not always in the mood for it, but when i catch it, i tend to sit through it. very dated, though...

* The Nightmare Before Christmas {1993} - stop-motion x Tim Burton x Xmas = brilliant!! love this film, despite missing it often... beautifully awful spirited, but still amazingly sweet...

* You've Got Mail {1998} - actually, i'll watch this film any time of the year, but at Xmas it's even more cute... one of my all time favourites, xmas or no xmas.

* The Chronicles Of Narnia ~ The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe {2005} - beautifully made adaptation of one of the books in the Narnia series, by C.S. Lewis.

well, that's the ones i can think of. what are your faves?