30 days writing {18} dreams

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: 

‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ 

I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be 
and make it happen. Because you can. 

Write about your future now.

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a gusty wind blows against the window of my beach house, and makes it rattle. i look up from my laptop/easel/worktable* to see if the window will hold, and feel reassured that it does. i know i need to wrap up in a bit, cos my love will come back home with a takeaway {curry/fish&chips/Chinese}* forthwith and i'm actually feeling quite ravenous. he has taken a few hours off from the building he's designing, as he;s an architect on a deadline {he designed and helped build this house by the coast as well, has my love...**} and will be travelling back to London in a few days, so i will have the place to myself again, shared with Harvey the dog, and my two crazy black cats, and the kids, who have come over to stay with their batty mum for a bit, and i will have time to take them places, and they'll take Harvey out for long walks and i'll have time to write/paint/draw/sew*... 

in a few weeks time we'll go off on a trip to Scotland in our camper van to visit my bff S and then on to my Dutch friend Kati, while we wallow in the British countryside {which my Love is re-appreciating after years of living in Antwerp...}. though i sort of loath to leave Dorset/Cornwall/Devon* for too long stretches... 

life is pretty awesome... :-)

* delete as necessary 

** artistic licence... he could be anything really, as long as he's rich and wonderful and happy... {my current Fantasy is an architect, you see...}

have a cuppa... 

30 days writing {16} one thing {?!}

oh! hahahaha!!! turns out i skipped one...
here's No. 16...
{duh...}

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing: You have one life to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. Sounds simple, but when you really focus on it, let it seep into your consciousness, you realize you only have about 100 years to get every single thing you’ve ever wanted to do. No second chances. This is your only shot. Suddenly, this means you should have started yesterday. No more waiting for permission or resources to start. Today is the day you make the rest of your life happen. Write down one thing you’ve always wanted to do and how you will achieve that goal. Don’t be afraid to be very specific in how you’ll achieve it: once you start achieving, your goals will get bigger and your capability to meet them will grow.

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one thing i've always wanted to achieve....
jesus...
five years ago this would've been: to be able to live on my own {without going mental}. can get that ticked off my list...

i don't have One Goal... i have Loads... travelling to certain places in the world *.* getting mentally ready to have that book published *.* living in a little house on the prairie in the polder {or something like that} *.* finding the love of my life * .* feeling chilled *.* have a dog

what do i do to achieve them? dream about them, mainly... listening out for clues... visualise and write about it... it will happen... i'm sure!!

{kati scribbles as well...}

30 days writing {17} strange & new

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.

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this moment has happened a few time in my life. cos when you break free from an old pattern and create your own, then too you can get bogged down and feel a strong desire to break free from that one...

the first one i can remember was the time i went off to England. to be an au-pair with a wonderful family, and to do something that i had never done before, had no one to lean on for feedback or steering me into the 'right' direction, and it was both scary and totally wonderful!! i relied on myself, on my knowledge & feelings and it worked...

i guess i feel only now that i'm kind of back in the Self Reliance Mode, not having Mr G - whom i thought i needed in my life for so long - to hand... and it feels great... 

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Kati writes here

30 days writing {15} alternative paths

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we've gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you've got to choose to see them.

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okay... thanx for the advice...

{more of a case of 'unasked for advice' - is this guy Dutch?! - than a prompt...}

what alternatives am i overlooking on my path towards a house in the country? i don't know... i'll hear the prompts my inner voice/Angel/Guide whispers into my ear or makes clear by means of Feeling Strange or Strongly about certain avenues, i've learnt that being too deliberate often works the wrong way, for me anyway... i try to live my life without Certainties anyway, know that that doesn't really work... i never have a Plan, or a Route {unless other people rely on me being somewhere} cos that kills any creativity that might come up with a Great Solution {or just a Good one...}.

Kati's writings here

30 days writing {14} surprise yourself

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself. How will you surprise yourself this week?

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i just reread what i wrote 4 years ago, and i stand by that still. many times i've surprised myself, by doing just that what i never thought i could, or dared, or was capable of... living in another country... singing in public, solo... giving birth without being medicated up to eyeballs... falling in love,  and being swept along with the whirlwind that is love... looking after a dog for two weeks... ending my relationship... 

and i'm sure more will follow, when things feel right... and there's no way of knowing when that is... i need to listen to my inner voice, and believe it to be true. only then... 

Kati's Scribbles here

30 days writing {13} does it matter?

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? 

Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream 

and write out the answers to the following:

Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? 

or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

apparently is is, otherwise i'd have stripped it off by now, living the Full and Wonderful life of my dreams... but maybe this is the life of my dreams, for now, maybe this is all i can handle at the moment.. maybe Wonderful Things are waiting around the corner, in readiness for my readiness... i've discarded so many fears already, have let go of so many insecurities... i know the Fear of Rejection will always be a part-player, and the Fear of Not Finding Love is kind of innate, but i know i'll scale those mountains when my time is right...

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

no. of course not... 

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

no, but even this, even the scared version of me is who i am. at times. not all the time, but chunks of them... and only i can decide when i'll be ready to let go...

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

stop telling me what to do!!

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read along with Kati here

30 days writing {12} never imitate

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

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isn't everyone unique in their own ways? and aren't the things that i think are unique about me dormant in everyone? sure, i've had my own upbringing, that no one else has had {not even my brother} and a bunch of things have happened to me that haven't happened to anyone else, but really, does that make me different? i guess it does, and everyone else is as different as i am... 

people begin their lives as imitators, we are programmed that way... as babies we imitate our mothers, and our fathers, our siblings, family members, people at school - it's incredibly natural, otherwise we don't develop as the Social Beings that we are, to thrive and grow... but at some point on our road to adulthood we need to find out how we can carry on without the need to imitate... only: nobody told us what that point was.... nobody says: right, that's enough now; you need to figure out what it is that you want, or what you are... petrified of 'losing' us, we were told to carry on imitating, to carry on doing what everyone else is doing, only now it's called Being Conventional. Being Normal... anything that's not is seen as a threat... and we don't want to be a threat, to the cohesion of Society, so be buckle up and Behave Normal... 

some area's in which i'm at odds with peers/family/society:

* being quiet and contemplative {which was deemed very weird and suspicious}

* not going out every weekend - {in my teens. my friends did, but left me along after a while, cos i absolutely HATED it...}

* read difficult books {about stuff that nobody i knew had any interest in}

* listen to weird music 

* feeling a need to figure out {sexual} orientations {and still wondering about it...}

* not marry the boy next door {or even the next village. i went a bit further afield...}

* have more than two children

* live in another country {and try to understand the difference in culture}

* listening to my inner voice 

* not feeling i belonged in the country i was born in {at all...}

now all i need is to thrive... 

on my way...

30 days writing {11} message

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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What is burning deep inside of you? 

If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, 

what would you say?

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forgive yourself

{and everyone that's ever done you wrong...

they only ever hurt you 

from a place of fear {hurt/pain} themselves...

as you do yourself...}

♥

feel loved

know that you are totally and completely loved

as you always have done and always will be...

without having to perform a trick first, or earn it...

♥

be you

know and feel that your life is your life...

not anybody else's...

watch this vid, it might help... :-)

♥

kati scribbles here

30 days writing {10} fear eats the soul

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

the only thing to fear is fear itself... ~someone, somewhere...

fear eats the soul ~someone else...

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Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” 

What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

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for a long time this was: telling Mr G i thought we were over. turns out that wasn't so scary... it was a relief. making the steps to a life without him there on a daily basis wasn't so scary - things kept falling into place, 'magically'. don't get me wrong, there are days i wish someone would whisk me away and make sure i was safe and i wouldn't have to worry about a thing {many days actually} cos that's how i've been programmed, but on the whole it's all good...

what scares me at the moment? what am i afraid to do? i don't feel there's anything right now... might sound a little arrogant, but i think i've dealt with my biggest fear for the moment... although i think there's one, and i think it has a lot to do with why my relationship broke up in the first place... i think i'm shit-scared of being True to MySelf... really, totally, blindingly true... but even that doesn't really hold me back anymore. i know that Good things will come from listening to my inner voice, following it's lead, and that fear comes from that thing called Ego, the thing that has been leading me along for all these years, taking me by the had to make sure i was 'safe', that it's fear of death and the unknown were far more devastating than any change can ever be...

oh, another one just popped into my head. 

i think i'm also quite scared of being genuinely intimate with others. to  allow myself to be vulnerable, to be naked {not literally per se...} and risk ridicule or pain. not sure how to deal with that one {yeah, i know, go for it and all that...} - yet...

when the time is right... 

kati's things >here<

30 days writing {9} hindsight & future

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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What would you say to the person you were five years ago? 

What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

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dear me in 2010,

life at this time in your life is rather okay... fairly 'normal' and busy, with teenage kids, and a job and a pleasant love-life... if only you knew how enjoyable that really was. i know - hindsight is the best advisor, of course, and when you're busy living your life, you don't know what's coming... calm before the storm, as they say... enjoy it while it lasts!! :-)

dear me in 2020,

you probably look back on these days as exuberant times, when things were up in the air, unsure of what would be next. maybe things have settled down nicely, hopefully i have become more accepting of and loving towards myself, do i live my life in pleasant surroundings, can i snuggle up on the {battle scarred} sofa next to a sweet, kind, loving man, or have i started a new job, doing something that awakens my spirit, helps others in some way... who knows... 

read Kati's challenges here

30 days writing {8} be bold!

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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next to Resistance, rational thought is the artist or entrepreneurs worst enemy. Bad things happen when we employ rational thought, because rational thought comes from the ego. Instead, we want to work from the Self, that is, from instinct and intuition, from the unconscious.

A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. Its only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.” – Steven Pressfield, Do the Work

The idea of “being realistic” holds all of us back. From starting a business or quitting a job to dating someone who may not be our type or moving to a new place – getting “real” often means putting your dreams on hold.

Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

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i remember liking this one quite a lot, as i have tremendous trouble Being Realistic in real life anyway, so this one seemed to be designed for me... :-)

the one thing i've always wanted to accomplish... well, there's a few things, actually. so let's start with the smallest, and work my way up...

get a manuscript sent in to a publishers 

{and really: get a book published}

it's something that i find excruciating and the mere thought fills me with fear and all that is awful... fear of rejection, i suppose... rejected by the very people who's approval i need. i've never let Mr G read any of my stuff, as i feared his rejection the most, but really, i can't think of anybody that i'd be happy to give my manuscript to... how do i get to the point where i think i'm Good Enough?! work to be done there...

the plan: look the Dragon right in the eyes, and wrestle it to the ground... or whatever...

travel on my own

get a camper van, load all my gear {and the dog} in it, trust the cats to be looked after, hug my kids, then my partner & set off into the sunset... and then, when i've been There, come back to the kids and the cats and my partner & my little house and write another book... 

obstacles: money for the van, and for petrol, and the house, to not need a steady job... i'm rubbish at planning things like that on my own, and prefer to travel with a companion {but then again, i also find companions very trying...}.

letting go of the notion to Be Realistic

and trust for things to find a way... 

obstacle: the way i've been raised, the perpetuation of the notion by the people around me/society...